3 important dating green flags to look out for

Here are three dating green flags to look out for on the path to a fruitful and fulfilling romantic relationship.

Your date behaves consistently

Look out for indications that you are dating a consistent person – someone who keeps their word, does what they say they’re going to do and honours their commitments.

Two examples of consistency are:

Respecting an arrangement and showing up on time, rather than cancelling or running late.

Of course, we can make allowances. Life happens. Personal or work issues arise. Trains get delayed. The ‘one strike and you’re out’ approach is unfair.

But if someone lets you down a few times or if their reason for missing a date sounds implausible, it’s important to call out the behaviour.

Have a discussion with your date, explain how you feel and state that consistency is important to you. Or, if it’s clear that you’re dating someone who’s unreliable, have the self-respect to walk away.

Showing up as the same person with you and with others.

If you have the chance to meet your date’s friends, relatives or colleagues, look out for consistency in your date’s behaviour. Also note how they speak to strangers – shop assistants, bus drivers and so forth.

If you feel like you’re dating two different people – someone who treats you kindly but is rude to others, or who tells you one story but shares a different truth with their friends – pay attention to this.

As above, you can have a conversation, point out this inconsistency and ask why they behave this way, or you can decide to move on.

Note that in both these examples, I’ve suggested having a chat with your date or partner. This gives them the opportunity to explain themselves and it gives you vital experience of speaking your truth, asking for what you need and setting boundaries.

Even if the result is an end to the relationship, you will have practised some important behaviours and you will have grown emotionally.

Your date communicates clearly

The easiest way to check whether you date is practising clear communication is to ask yourself if you know where you stand. If you feel peaceful and at ease around someone, like you’re standing on solid ground, this is a green flag.

However, if you feel unsure, insecure, confused or unsettled, like you’re standing on shaky ground, this is a red light. Similarly, if you have to decipher their messages to find the true meaning, or if your date sends mixed signals, this isn’t healthy.

Be mindful of drama – if you grew up around dramatic or dysfunctional relationships, being on edge or not knowing where you stand will feel familiar and therefore safe. We tend to be drawn to what we know. If this sounds like you, your challenge is to become comfortable with feeling at peace and at ease, rather than anxious and adrenalised.

Your date respects your boundaries

Before you can decide if a date respects your boundaries, you need to know what your boundaries are, both with yourself and with others.

Are you clear in terms of how late you stay out on a date, whether or not you drink alcohol and if so how much, how much of yourself you share in early conversations and your physical boundaries?

Boundaries such as these keep us safe and bolster our self-worth when we honour them. If we overstep our own boundaries, how can we expect someone else to respect them?

The first two points in this blog are examples of boundaries we can set with others: I expect consistent behaviour – that someone shows up on time (except for unavoidable delays) – and I expect clear communication, rather than confusing messages or mixed signals.

Similarly, you can expect your date to honour your choices when you decide not to drink or to stop drinking after one beer or glass of wine, to go home at a certain time, or to set the pace around physical touch. If the other person respects your choices without argument and honours your boundaries, this is a green flag.

If, on the other hand, your date shames you, guilt-trips you, tries to manipulate you, pushes you, or tries to persuade you to do things their way, firstly, you stand your ground, and secondly, you end the date.

The most important thing, in all these situations, is your ability to discern between healthy and unhealthy behaviour and to know what feels right for you when dating and relating.

Your powers of discernment and your awareness of your wise inner voice will be greatly enhanced by spending time in stillness and silence, speaking and listening to God and connecting to your feelings and your intuition.

With a strong connection to your faith and yourself, your dating journey will be much smoother. You will make good choices, speak your truth, pay attention to warning signs and have the confidence to move forwards when you spot green flags.

What are the dating green flags you look for?

Enjoyed reading ‘3 important dating green flags to look out for’? Read more by Katherine Baldwin here