Here are five more signs that your date is worth seeing again.
Curiosity
Your date is interested in you, your life, your faith, your career, your likes and dislikes. They ask questions and, crucially, they sit back and listen to the answers. You feel like you are having a conversation, rather than listening to a monologue. You come away feeling seen and heard.
At the same time, you feel curious about your date. Even if there isn’t an immediate attraction, something about them has piqued your interest and you want to discover more.
Emotional availability
This leads on from the point above since curiosity and active listening are signs of emotional availability. Look for evidence that your date is able to be present to the conversation – they’re not distracted, constantly checking their phone, for example – and that they are willing to express their feelings openly and hear yours.
Everyone is different when it comes to vulnerability so it’s important to give people the benefit of the doubt. Some people take time to warm up and to trust others.
Appropriate sharing
Whilst you are looking for someone who’s willing to be vulnerable, you also want someone who shares appropriately rather than over-shares. In other words, they don’t immediately reveal their deepest secrets or walk you through their past relationship difficulties or early life traumas, nor do they probe you too deeply at the start.
When we’re getting to know someone, there’s a balance to strike, but it’s important to be mindful that over-sharing can lead to a false intimacy – a type of trauma bonding where two people connect deeply over depression or heartache or pain. This kind of trauma bonding can blind us to red flags. We’re emotionally invested in the relationship, right from the start, blinkered to the obvious problems or choosing to ignore them.
Before you go dating, decide how much of your life you would like to share in the early stages and think about the kind of boundaries you’d like to set with another person in the event that they start to over-share. You could say something simple like, ‘Do you mind if we leave this discussion for another time,’ and guide the conversation towards a lighter topic.
A great way to avoid over-sharing at the start is to choose fun activities over long candlelit dinners.
Positive treatment of you and others
Kindness, respect & patience are all important green flags. Your date treats you with kindness and respect and they are kind and courteous to strangers too – waiters, waitresses, shop staff and so forth.
Similarly, your date respects your timing. They aren’t in a rush when it comes to progressing the relationship. They are happy to go at your pace. They don’t pressure you into meeting sooner than you wish to or into moving to the next level physically. You feel respected.
They also respect differences, value diverse opinions, are able to negotiate disagreements, and they don’t try to change your mind to align your thinking with theirs. In their presence, you feel free to express your truth and your opinions, without fear of judgement.
Of course, it’s important to offer the same courtesy to the other person, to treat them as you wish to be treated.
A rounded life
Your date leads a reasonably full life. They are keen to find a partner but this isn’t their sole focus. They aren’t waiting for someone to complete them or fill a gaping hole. Alongside their individual responsibilities, such as work or caring for family members, young or old, they carve out time for themselves, for friends, interests or hobbies, as time permits.
If you sense that someone is craving a relationship above all else and spending most of their time and energy looking for one, while neglecting other areas, this is a red flag.
Remember, when it comes to dating, you are simply gathering information. The question you want to be asking in the early days is, “Do I want to see this person again?” rather than, “Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person?”
Also, pay special attention to how you feel on a date. Do you feel relaxed and at ease, or on edge and insecure? Can you imagine spending more time in their company?
Tune into your feelings, your intuition and your truth, tune into God’s guidance, check for green flags and red ones, and then decide whether to see your date again.
What are the important green flags you look for on a date?
To read about more green flags in dating, check out ‘3 important dating green flags to look out for‘
