Working out how to discuss your faith may seem daunting when meeting someone new. Even if you both share the same beliefs, you may attend different churches or be part of different denominations. The way you practice your faith day-to-day might look different. As daunting as it might be, having the ‘faith conversation’ is very important for any relationship. It can make or break a relationship if you don’t see eye-to-eye when it comes to your faith. So, how do you talk about your faith, especially in the early stages of dating?
Bringing your faith into the conversation helps you to share what’s really important to you, and to hear about their experiences too.
Tell your story
Think about how to explain your faith journey so far. A good place to start is to tell them how you became a Christian. You might have been going to church all your life or had an encounter with God at a later stage in life.
Whatever your story, the other person is likely to be interested, and you may even find that you have similar faith journeys. Sharing your journey to faith will likely answer some questions they might have already, but if not, it gives them the opportunity to ask you further questions.
Also think about how you express your faith. Starting off by asking someone if they speak in tongues or attend High Mass could send some running in the other direction if it’s something they are not familiar with.
Think about timing
Consider what to include early on versus later in the relationship. Just like there might be areas of your life in general that you might not want to share immediately with someone you’ve just met, there might also be areas of your spiritual life and faith journey that you might want to leave until later, or until you know that the other person can handle it.
This can include positive things like deep spiritual encounters – these are usually very personal and you might not want to share them with someone until you’re ready and know that they will treat that information with the sanctity it deserves – but they might also be negative experiences such as church hurt and other areas that you should only share with someone you know will understand and be mature enough to handle that information.
Be honest
Your faith journey is unique to you, so don’t be afraid to speak honestly and from the heart. Even if there are aspects of your story that you still don’t fully understand, or areas where you have doubt, it is still worth sharing with someone you’re considering doing life with. This is important for various reasons; they can help you in those areas- they might have experienced similar situations or doubts and found ways to deal with them, and it also shows them that you’re not perfect, but instead, you’re someone they can relate to.
Find common ground
When talking about your faith, you could also mention things that you enjoy that you and the other person could discuss. Favourite Bible verses, sermons that have spoken to you over the years, worship songs that move you, are just a few things you can share.
My husband and I were from very different church backgrounds when we met; he was from a tradition Anglican background whereas I attended a Pentecostal church at the time. It was a very different experience for him when he attended my church for the first time, but before this point I had already introduced him to a few Christian bands he hadn’t heard of before, and he enjoyed their music. He ended up joining me in my church after we got married and absolutely loved it!
Respect their experience
As you share your faith story, be aware that the person you’re talking to, even though they might be a Christian too, might have a very different experience and they may not respond in the way that you expect. It is important that you extend them grace if this is the case.
Faith is a very personal journey and the way we express it daily will be different for each one of us. So, don’t get upset or alarmed if the person you’re talking with doesn’t appear to see things the way you do. Give each other grace and try to understand where the other person is coming from.
Sharing your faith story doesn’t have to be scary. It is a fundamental part of who you are as a Christian and not something you should shy away from. If you plan what you want to say when you talk about your faith – thinking about what to open with, what to share at the beginning versus later on, speak openly and from the heart, share things you enjoy and extend grace to the other person, you’ll discover that it is not as daunting as it might initially seem; you might even thoroughly enjoy it!
How would you talk about your faith on a date?
Read about Christian Connection couples’ stories of talking about faith here: ‘“We shared our faith and our stories” – Christian Connection couples talk about church’
Check out our ‘Better Conversations’ post on ‘5 ways to ask about faith on a date‘
