You’ve probably got a good story about meeting Jesus, and if all goes well, you’ll have a good story about how you met your spouse, too. One of the main ways modern stories are told is through the movies, with as many as 10,000 feature films being produced each year around the world. With that in mind, here are five unexpected ways that Christian dating is like the movies.
You get to write the script together
Your profile pictures have already served as your own promo poster, and your dating profile is the blurb convincing prospective partners to find out more. Your initial interaction then sets the tone for how the feature will play out. Are you leaning into fun and enthusiastic, or deep and meaningful?
Remember the first script is only a blueprint for what the finished film will look like. How you communicated online will not necessarily be the same as how you interact in real life. You’d rarely have deep conversations with total strangers about your hopes and dreams and the things that really matter. Don’t be surprised if the person in front of you seems a bit more reserved at first – that could apply to either or both of you.
Speaking in person, in real time, means you can’t spend ages crafting the perfect response, so the wonderfully articulate person online might not be the one who shows up – it can take time for the truer, more relaxed self to emerge.
You don’t need a blockbuster budget
The amount of money thrown at something is no indicator of success. For every box office success like ‘Avengers: Endgame’, there’s a less revered ‘Transformers 2’. There are films like ‘Once’, made on a miniscule budget, that take home Oscars and make millions.
Dating rituals can be fun – getting dressed, picking a venue, getting to do something new. But the more elements you add, the more you complicate the plot, especially when you first meet. We know that “the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7); make sure it’s as easy as possible for the other person to see your heart, and you to see theirs, without distractions.
‘Show don’t tell’
You can tell an audience who a character is through dialogue, but it won’t have as much impact as seeing what they do. In the film adaptations of the classic novel ‘Pride & Prejudice’, Jane Austen’s sparkling dialogue hasn’t had nearly as much impact as the way Mr Darcy flexes his hand after holding Elizabeth Bennet’s.
Everyone describes themselves as funny, passionate, or any other number of positive adjectives in their profiles. But what you do on a date will speak volumes in a way words never can. Pay attention not just to how your date treats you, but how they treat others. How do they speak to wait staff, bartenders or baristas? Integrity is what you do when no-one is looking, and these little interactions are very telling.
Focus on the two main characters
One good thing about being a Christian is the sense of community. Both you and your prospective partner may well have a great friends and family in church to help you find your way. A good supporting cast is invaluable, but a love story isn’t an ensemble film. The more your lives intertwine, the more emotionally connected you will get with their friends and family, and vice versa.
This can cloud a person’s judgement at times, especially if there are children involved. No matter how hard it is, always focus on how you feel about the person you’re dating and not the rest of the cast.
You can edit the story
When the first date’s over, how do you want this night to be remembered? If it doesn’t work out, you have a narrative that’s your own to tell. But if it does work out, you will have a great modern ‘meet-cute’ story to tell your friends and family.
So don’t worry about the anxiety sweats, or that time you couldn’t find her house for 15 minutes when you picked her up for the first time (now you know that bit of my story, but just keep it under your hat, OK?). You can edit that out, no-one needs to know.
Many great films have God at the centre. The Gospels are still referred to as The Greatest Story Ever Told. How does your story serve as a sequel to that?
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