If you’ve ever started writing your profile and found yourself listing the things you don’t want in a partner, you’re not alone. Perhaps you’ve shared how many times you’ve been let down before or mentioned that you’re only here because a friend persuaded you to try one last time. Maybe you’ve laid out some dealbreakers like “no time wasters,” “no drama,” or even “no snowflakes.” To someone who wants to find out more about you, this can present as the opposite of a positive dating profile.
It might feel honest or efficient to get those red flags out there early, but this kind of language can leave your profile sounding more like a warning sign than a welcome. The good news? With a few tweaks, you can present yourself – and your hopes – in a much more encouraging light.
Here’s how to shift your focus from the negative to the positive, and why a positive dating profile can make all the difference.
Think of your profile as a friendly introduction
Imagine you’re meeting someone new at church or a friend’s birthday party. Would you greet them by saying, “Hi, I’m not interested in drama, I hate people who play games, and I’ve been messed around before”? Probably not! Yet it’s surprisingly common to find comments like these in online dating profiles.
When someone reads your profile, they’re hoping to get a brief introduction to who you are as a person. If you introduce yourself with critical or judgemental comments, they may not want to get past that first impression. Negativity can be off-putting, even to someone who might actually be a great match for you.
So, instead of focusing on what you don’t want, try showing what kind of connection you are looking for. This approach is likely to help you feel more hopeful, too.
Turn negatives into positives
If you have any of these common negative phrases in your profile, why not consider turning them around for a more uplifting alterative?
Instead of: “No drama”.
Try: “I’d love to meet someone laid back, who can be calm in the face of pressure.”
Instead of: “No snowflakes.”
Try: “Get in touch if you enjoy a good debate, and love to laugh at life (and yourself) sometimes.”
Instead of: “No time wasters.”
Try: “I’m hoping to build a genuine, faith-based connection with a partner who’s ready for something serious.”
Instead of: “Don’t bother messaging me if…”
Try: “I’d love to hear from someone who…”
These changes might seem small, but they can have a big effect on how you come across. Think about it as opening doors instead of putting up walls – which is more inviting?
Talk about what you love
Online dating profiles shouldn’t just be lists of practicalities or dealbreakers. While it’s okay to include some practical points – if you really can’t imagine dating someone who lives too far away, for example – don’t forget to include a healthy dose of joy. Why not share the things that make you laugh, feel connected, faith-filled or inspired?
You don’t need to be a stand-up comedian or have climbed Kilimanjaro to catch someone’s attention. Simply sharing what matters to you can help a potential partner see what life alongside you might look like. Maybe it’s cooking a simple meal for friends, volunteering at church, or watching a feel-good film on a rainy evening. Maybe you love a good pun or you’re the go-to person in your family for prayer and encouragement.
Let your profile show the passions, interests, and values that make you you, and you may find this naturally appeals to the kind of person you’re looking for. Many of our successful couples have let us know that details like these inspired them to send that first message.
Be clear without being harsh
It’s totally okay to be honest about what you’re looking for, but clarity doesn’t have to come at the cost of kindness. For example, instead of writing, “No one under 5’10, please,” or “Don’t bother if you don’t go to church every week,” think about the sentiment behind those requests.
Try saying something like: “Faith is really important to me and I’d love to meet someone who shares the foundation of regular worship,” or “Bonus points if you can reach groceries on the high shelf!” A little humour and grace can go a long way.
Be particularly careful not to make comments that could be offensive to others, including physical comments. Just because someone isn’t your type doesn’t mean they deserve to feel insulted.
And remember, several of our success stories come from members who met someone outside of their initial preferences. Someone’s height doesn’t change their heart, so try not to be too prescriptive when it comes to your dealbreakers, and leave yourself open to what might be a wonderful surprise.
Remember: Everyone has a story
It’s completely understandable if you feel jaded sometimes, especially after a bad experience. There are times when almost everyone finds the online dating experience frustrating or discouraging. But try to remember that the next person reading your profile might feel exactly the same way. They might also have been hurt, let down, or feel unsure how to begin again.
By approaching your profile with hope and positivity, you’ll be helping to create a more welcoming space for others, and for yourself too.
Your dating profile is a starting point. Once you make that first connection with someone you’ll find there’s room for discovery, for deeper conversations and for sharing the good and the bad with each other along the way.
So, be kind to yourself and others when it comes to writing your profile. You don’t need to be perfect, just present and positive. Try not to dwell on any old disappointments, but focus on what you hope to find going forward. Positivity attracts positivity, so next time you give your profile description a polish, think about how you can turn any negative comments around and perhaps you’ll find yourself welcoming in a wonderful new connection through your exciting and positive dating profile!
What would you change to make sure you have a positive dating profile?
Read ‘The Christian Connection guide to perfecting your profile’ here
