It’s not unusual to get to the point of feeling tired by dating and the same old small talk – let’s call it dating fatigue. I became very disheartened after a few years of monotonous first dates, hearing the same chat up lines, the same small talk, and explaining once again what I did for a living. When feeling down and not seeing hoped-for progress, it’s natural that a change and a refresh are needed. However, that was the exact moment – in the midst of the dating valley – that I met my now husband. So, what are some of the most effective ways to tackle dating fatigue? Here’s what I learned…
Start with taking a fresh look at your dating life. This can rejuvenate you, ready to climb the dating mountain with a new perspective! Here are a few ideas to help you get out of the rut and overcome the dating fatigue.
New conversations
Be proactive about what you talk about. Prior to a date, think about things you’d like to find out that are maybe a bit different. What questions you would like to ask? Or what you would like to reveal about yourself?
Instead of answering in exactly the same way as you have before, think about something new that you can say about yourself. You can find plenty of good first date questions and topics on the Christian Connection blog (including the Better Conversations series). Maybe they’re not your usual ice breakers, but could spark interesting conversations and lead the date down different pathways.
Have a list up your sleeve before you go, so that you have the confidence to ask the new questions. You never know, it may open up new topics and debates that could be stimulating and refreshing.
New situations
Think about doing something different. If you always go out for a drink or a meal, spending your time in coffee shops and restaurants, why not try a more active date? You could suggest bowling, a boat trip, a dance class or even just a walk? Get inspiration for a different first date here.
This may be out of your comfort zone, too, but don’t be afraid to make a different suggestion if you’re stuck in a first date rut. What’s the worst that could happen? Your date may politely say no thank you, and suggest something else. Chances are, you may both like something a bit different!
Think about varying when you meet, too. If you always date at the same times – in the evening, or only on Saturdays – maybe you can mix it up and meet for lunch or a breakfast date or in the middle of the week. Get out of your comfort zone and open yourself up to new possibilities and try something new.
New type
If you always go for the same type of person and it’s just not working, you may want to expand your range and give someone else a chance to widen your horizons. This doesn’t mean compromising on your boundaries or expectations, but if you will only date someone with blonde hair, you may be missing out on the perfect partner who is brunette!
Try something new, your type may just be what you think you want – God knows what you actually want and need, and it’s not always what you expect. My husband was slightly different from my usual ‘type’ but my goodness, I’m so glad I took that chance and went a little off piste! He turned out to be my perfect type and my previous preconceptions for what I thought my ‘type’ turned out to be nonsense.
There is no harm in going on a first date with someone a little different from normal, as long as everything is safe – you could learn lots, dive into different conversations and experiences, and it could be the best thing for you.
New outlook
It may be that you need a little bit of time out to refresh your view on dating. Date yourself for a bit – treat yourself with a spa day, nice meal, cinema trip or just some rest and relaxation. Get to know who you are again and who you want to be for your date so that you can be the best version of yourself for them.
Refocus on what matters, don’t get too bogged down by trying to find someone that you end up getting forgotten about. Use this time to stimulate your brain with good books, your body with physical activity, your spiritual life with putting God first and spending time with Him.
New focus
Refresh your focus on God. Put Him at the centre of your dating life and your life in general. Don’t let dating become an idol. Instead lay it all at the foot of the cross and allow God to orchestrate. You might find it helpful to spend time in the Word, in prayer and in worship, or get stuck into a church and be built up by fellow Christians. Give out and help in the church, as then your priorities and your mindset will be in the right place, ready to meet someone.
It’s easy to get stuck in the dating rut. It easy to feel dating fatigue. It’s easy to dread going on more first dates because you can’t be bothered to have the same conversations and waste more time with someone you’ll never meet again. However, when I was in this rut, my wise father said to me: “Come on, go on this date – you never know, it may be your last first date.” And lo and behold… it was.
How do you tackle dating fatigue?
Want to read more? Try ‘7 fun and simple first date ideas that aren’t meeting for coffee‘
